


Eyes of a stranger

by mauvemountains



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Kylo Ren, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Business, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Misunderstandings, Post-Break Up, Reader is sad, Reader-Insert, Sad Kylo Ren, Star Wars - Freeform, no y/n acronyms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-13 17:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18945427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mauvemountains/pseuds/mauvemountains
Summary: You saw him once or twice after your horrendous breakup. If looking at photos of him counted as seeing him in flesh. Kylo saw you a thousand times after your depressing breakup. If crying over your photos counted as seeing you in person.You meet your ex after a tragic break up in a business meeting. Now he wants you back in his arms, but it’s too late to go back.





	Eyes of a stranger

The sound of clattering shoes filled the empty meeting room followed by the sound of chairs pulled back. Some started making small talk and shaking hands, all waiting for the other party to arrive.No one heard the sound of your heart beating out of your chest. It was overly loud, extremely high in decibel for anyone to hear. You couldn't hear it too, but you felt it hitting against your rib cage every millisecond. Chest heavy you tried to breathe gently.

Placing your binder file on top of the desk, you sat next to your boss slowly. He smiled at you happily, not knowing the inner turmoil you had. It wasn't your place to accuse him of his excitement, he was going to profit well from this trade. You promptly gave him a tight-lipped smile in return, the one you would give to strangers across the road. 

You clasped your hands together, trying to disguise them trembling. Scribbling nonsense onto a sheet of paper you tested your pen. You checked over the papers in the binder, making sure they were precisely in chronological order. Repeating over your words for the meeting, you practiced your presentation in the rare case they asked about your part. Anything to distract you from comprehending the reality of the situation. 

“Are we late or something? Where are they?” Your boss asked impatiently. You knew he was genuinely worried about the deal not working out. This was his best opportunity to expand his company; you understood that. If this meeting was a success, you didn't have to worry about doing both accounting and assistant work for him. You tried cheering yourself up pathetically with your feasible position. 

“Don’t worry they’ll be here soon,” you replied politely fake comfort in your voice. As much as this meeting was satisfying you, something was suspicious about this. One of the vastest co-operations wanted to work with you, a small pathetic fashion business. You knew he was involved in this some way, it was his company after all. 

You stopped breathing when you undoubtedly heard the clatter of more shoes. Your back was opposite the door as if it could shield you from the reality of sighting him. Everyone stood up to greet the other party with fake smiles and firm handshakes. Your knees trembled as you got up from your seat, fingers fluttering you straightened your dress and met the eyes of a stranger. 

There he was with all his glory, tall and dark. His hair perfect in its every imperfection, curls messed but still looking glorious. The suit he wore, fitting perfectly into his mighty frame and jet black like his splendid hair. And his eyes still haven't met yours, so dull and lifeless. He couldn't hide his troubled eyes with his expensive suits and his black locks. 

People scattered around him, waiting eagerly to shake his hand. His employees waited for him to take a seat before they could. Your boss desperately advanced next to him and smilingly shook his hand, his familiar face still the same, no smile present. Not even the ones you would execute to be polite. 

You stared thoughtfully at the chair opposite you for what felt like hours. You didn't shake anyone's hand, didn't gaze at anyone. Just quietly stared at the gray chair trying to ignore his rich voice, that you had grown to love so much. Every cell in your body was trying escaping the situation, but you merely stood and stared. Regretting all your ideas surrounding the breakup and his face. 

A brawny hand appeared in front of you, you stared at the chair again. A body replaced the object, and they offered their hand. Like you were drowning, they tried saving you from a sea of sorrow. As if that could help; as if you weren’t already in too deep, as if all your pain and anxiety would disappear forever if you held that hand. 

You took the hand in your own one. You struggled to grasp its large form with your small ones. Blinking your orbs met the owner of the huge hands. The eyes of a stranger. The amber eyes naturally found yours and suddenly everything around you stopped. The voices of the people became white noise, the movements turned into a blur of motion. He looked longingly at you, like a kid who broke a precious vase, all sad and regretful. 

His eyes filled with pleasant familiarity, he whispered: “It’s great to see you.” He wasn't a stranger; you decided. He was a stranger with familiar eyes. You chuckled internally at the irony of his sentence, wasn't he the one who wished to never see you? Screaming at your face about never wanting to look at you or hear about you? And wasn't he the one who blocked your number and left the state to not spot you? He was and couldn't deny it with all his life. 

Keeping your face blank as the first page of a notebook, you nodded. You wouldn't fall for his trick of manipulating you to be his again. No matter how much your heart wept for him to tenderly kiss you on the forehead like he used to do every night. Or how much you wished to run your hands over his messy hair and worship every black strand. 

Pulling your palm away you sat back in your chair hastily. He didn't want to let go, he was holding onto your hands so tightly with his enormous warm hands. You breathed with difficulty like you just ran a marathon, never expecting that to recognize him would cause this fierce pain to you. You were a fool if you thought, you were over him. He sat right across from you, on the gray chair, observing you attentively. Your hand started shaking more than before, you grabbed the water glass in front of you, chugged it slowly. 

Staring wistfully at the papers in front of you, you tried blocking away his observant eyes like lasers, catching every one of your moves. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction of glancing at him and meeting his eyes. Everyone stopped talking, waiting for the authoritative old man to start talking. He was sitting at the head of the table, considering everyone like a hawk. You didn't hide your distaste for him by contorting your face up when he started talking. Someone softly chuckled. You knew instantly it was Kylo, you didn't dare look at his smiling face. 

The negotiations and proposes started to exchange between companies. Discussing budgets, locations, benefits…You tried drowning out his eyes and focus on the topics but it was useless. The accustomed eyes inspecting you, never halted. That’s how it went, you barely listening to anything, Kylo staring at you. You used to love his eyes wandering around you during meetings, or the way he touched your knees under the table. But that was the past, and he didn't even deserve you thinking about it. Just the thought gave you a stomach ache. Meeting his warm eyes, you quickly averted them. The coldness of the room warming up by his gaze on you, months of pain resurfacing. 

\--

 

Everyone left the room hastily after they had decided they needed a ‘coffee break.’ The session took longer than expected, people getting tired of talking and debating. You wanted to run too, but you saw Kylo leaving the room, so you decided to stay and be alone for a few seconds, away from his gaze. Getting up from your seat, you walked aimlessly to the french windows lighting up the room. 

Watching the tiny people from the window, you tried forgetting about him and his intense stare throughout the whole meeting. His subtle ways of desperately trying to touch you without alerting anyone else. Reaching for the pen in your hand for a quick signature, while caressing your fingers. Or making contact with your skin when passing you a file. It burned. His skin touching yours burnt like a fire; you had the overwhelming urge to check your skin for burn marks. You didn't want to satisfy his urges to gaze at him. He didn't deserve a single look from you, let alone hand contact. Ignoring him was the best decision yet; you just couldn't wait for these negotiations to be over. 

The door opened, alerting the presence of another one. You ignored it, already having your back towards the intruder. Couldn't you just have some alone time? You didn't have time for small talk or a fake greeting smile. And definitely, you had no time to hear your ex’s toneless voice.

“I miss you.” 

The sound of his shoes betrayed you by not being louder and alerting you. He was right behind you, chest almost pressing your shoulder blades. Like a cliche love story, the ex came back with a familiar sentence. I miss you. The sun that was saying goodbye, stung your eyes and you blinked. His shaky hands stood next to yours. You watched your hands in the golden light, almost threatening him. He wouldn't dare hold your hand; he wouldn't do something so shameless.

"I don't." 

Your words broke the uncomfortable silence. His hands started to shake more violently. He knew you were lying. You knew you were lying. But admitting that would mean revealing that you still loved the man. A part of you screamed and begged to return to his arms. Just turn around and hug him. Just once, smell him. Forget about all the cruel words and only run to him. 

“You’re lying.” he bitterly accused. You knew he regretted saying that, the second it escaped his mouth. His nervous hand formed into a fist next to yours, his position stiffened. “Don’t you think this is enough torture for both of us?” A beautiful smell met your sensitive nostrils, desperately trying to make you forget. His smell. But you disregarded it and turned around and faced him instead of being a miserable coward. 

“I’m not lying his time. I know you see me as a liar but I don't miss you Kylo. ” your voice was calm despite your heart hitting your chest like a wild animal. His eyes conveyed an emotion you had never seen before, and you finally noticed his under eyes, dark like he hasn't slept in ages. 

“I didn't mean that or anything I said afterwards. If we could talk, I will tell you all of it my love. I still love you.” he grabbed your arm when you tried to leave the room. You pulled your limp away but stayed in place and looked at him mockingly. 

“I am not your love. Not anymore. It’s too late to discuss this.” 

You left the room ignoring him calling out for your name. The short confrontation affected you more than you imagined. Running into the closest bathroom, you locked the door and finally let the tears go you held all day. You didn't want this; you didn't want to see him or even confront him. You broke your promise to yourself, that you would never cry over him again. But here you were, holding onto the marble sink weeping silently hoping no one could hear you.

 

Your wound was still fresh, as it happened yesterday. The way he accused you of being a liar and working for his enemy. The afternoon you came home, you were surprised to see him home so early. You remember running up to him and trying to hug him. Elated to spend some time together. It was raining outside, you just wanted to warm yourself with his body like the sun. The way he forced you away was the first surprise you received. He slurred something about touching him with your filthy hands. You figured he was drunk with the way he was swaying and his disfigured speech. 

_"What are you talking about Kylo? Are you drunk?" Removing your coat, you put on the chair and slowly approached him. His eyes looked so much different, you felt fearful. It was red and wet from salty tears. You reached for his hand gently and urged him to tell you what was wrong._

_"I said don't fucking touch me!" He withdrew your hand from his and flung the bottle he had in his other on the wall. You let out a gasp at the sudden breaking voice. You had never seen him this angry, you just wanted to run away at this point._

_"You're a fucking liar!" He impulsively threw the vase on the kitchen table on the floor screaming. The broken glass scattered around your feet. Like the expensive vase, your anxious heart shattered into ragged bits._

_"Kylo what are you doing? You're scaring me!" You pleaded for him, desperately wanting him to stop._

_"I'm scaring you?" He laughed like a maniac as he repeated the sentence again and again. His voice became menacing when he continued: "You should be scared. I know all about the shit you did behind my back."_

_"Kylo what the fuck are you talking about?"_

_"I'm talking about how you sold my projects to that fucking Hux bastard!” your mouth fell open at the absurd accusation. “You thought I wouldn't find out right? The way you always left before an important presentation, asking about my fucking drawings! I should have known, Bazine was right. You are a fucking sly bitch!”_

_“What? Kylo are you hearing yourself?” your voice got louder as you heard the words leaving his mouth. How could he say all that relating to you, before asking about it? “I have never given Hux anything! How cou-”_

_“Leave my fucking house, I don't want to see you again!” he snatched your arm and started dragging you out the door. Panic filled your whole body._

_“Kylo what are you doing? Stop! Listen to me!” you tried to protest and stop him, but he was extremely strong. His eyes were jet black; you couldn't even recognize him. Tears started pooling around your eyes, thinking about how could someone ruin your relationship. Or even worst, how could he believe them and not you? The pieces of glass from the vase scratched around your feet._

_“I saw everything! You fucking liar!” he opened the door and aggressively pushed you out into the pouring rain. Your tears mixed with the violent rain, you begged him to listen to you, but he dismissed your pleas. “Go to that son of bitch Hux’s house. I’m done with you.” he shut the door on you._

_You banged the door for more than an hour. It was too cold to be out in the rain. He didn't give you your jacket or your bag; you were soaking wet. Falling on the grass, you sat on your knees, hands on your face you started crying violently. How could he do this to you? He didn't listen to a single word you said and directed all that venom at you. You were filled with so much pain. You forgot about the hate you felt for him at the moment._

_All the months you spent happily together were forgotten by lies and manipulations. You never expected a cliche lie to end your relationship with the love of your life. And you never expected him to believe any of it. The pitiless sun shone on you one last time sympathetically. You forcibly pulled the grass under your hands, squeezed it hard. Never once you stopped crying. The weather you cuddled in front of the fireplace was now the weather in which you wept outside._

After that, you tried phoning him, but all the calls went to voicemail. You found out he blocked your number. Poe, his cousin, told you he left the state to clear his mind. He didn't even know about the breakup. He was suspicious when you asked him about your ex. You desperately remember trying to make up an excuse. 

You just wanted for him to come back to you and apologize for everything. You would forgive him the instant; you missed him with all your heart. Clutching onto his black shirt, you would say “I forgive you, my love!” But when weeks become months, you started giving up hope on him. No visits, no phone calls, not even a drunken message. With the passing time, your grief became hatred but your love never left, so you just buried it deep into your soul quietly. You were colder than before, emotionless. All you did was work and sleep, you forgot how to genuinely smile. 

He texted you three months before from a different number. You disregarded it and blocked the unknown number. He wanted to meet up and talk about a misunderstanding. He must have learned that you were innocent, but it was too late to change.

Now he came back. 

All the love buried started exposing itself. Your hatred started to secure you and hide your liking, but the part love touched turned into grief. He had no right to come and mess up all your raw emotions. He had no right to tell you he terribly missed you. He had no right to call you his love when you were nothing but his love. It was as if he was mocking you, you would run back to his arms and he would betray you again. 

You wouldn't let him in again. It was too late to fix things. You wouldn't forget all the cruel months you devoted to pain. Most importantly, you wouldn't fall for his beautiful amber eyes.

\--

 

Your high heels alerted everyone of your presence coming back to the meeting room. Cursing the shoes, you noticed how they were all waiting for you. Your crying session must have taken longer than anticipated. Sitting back on your chair, you hoped your red eyes weren’t too alarming. Your boss leaned to your ear and asked if you were okay. You lied. Like a liar. 

The shuffling of papers was the sole thing heard before the meeting continued. You started shaking your leg, a habit of anxiety. Deciding that you cried enough, you cautiously lifted your head up and encountered his eyes. You hated how he never stopped watching you, and now he had a pitiful expression on his pale face. Like he wasn't the one who broke up with you. 

Giving him an annoyed look, you turned to your right and listened attentively to your boss who was proposing his idea. Being a coward wasn't the best option when it came to working. Just because he was staring longingly, you wouldn't miss an important opportunity. 

\----

The sound of chairs pushed back followed by the clattering shoes filled the meeting room again. The unspeakable torture was over, you were done with the meeting. Astonishingly when you persistently ignored his gaze on you, it wasn't as bad. Putting the papers back into your dollar store binder, you noticed the two other men watching you. Lifting up your head you saw Kylo, hands in his pocket inspecting you casually. Turning to your right, you saw your boss waiting respectfully for you to finish up packing. 

Getting up from your seat, you hung your bag around your shoulder. You didn't perceive what Kylo was planning, hoping he wouldn't embarrass you in front of your superior you gave him one last look. He just stood calmly and that frightened you more. Going out of the meeting room with your boss, Kylo followed behind you. 

“Since the meeting ended well, I want to take you out for dinner. You know- to celebrate our new partners.” your boss looked at you with his hopeful green eyes. 

You internally rolled your eyes at the thought of celebrating your ex becoming your partner. It was splendid for everyone except you. While you continued walking to the elevator, you felt his eager eyes behind your back the whole time. Did he even see Kylo? 

“Yeah, sure. I would like that Mr. Ward.” you politely accepted his generous offer.

“You know you don't have to call me that when we are not at work. Alex is fine.” he encouraged you to say his first name. 

“Okay, Alex.” 

Entering the elevator, you stood in the middle. Pressing the shiny button, you leaned on the elevator wall. Kylo walked after you and stood too close for your own good. You hated his motives to be closer to you. Alex finally acknowledged Kylo’s presence:

“Mr. Ren, would you like to join us? We are having dinner to celebrate this great ordeal.” 

You desperately wanted to punch your boss, Kylo’s stupid face and the elevator’s wall so it could stop and you could run away. You hoped you could just make an excuse, go home, and never get out of your bed. Your sensitive heart couldn't take it. It would forcibly remind you of the old times, where he would take you out to a fancy place and hold your hand the whole time with loving eyes. Or the times he would take you to a fast food place and feed you with his hands. 

Closing your eyes, you shooed all the fond memories away left behind from the relationship. You already said yes, and you can't make Alex suspicious about you and Kylo. Only you need to know he is your past lover. You can't bring other people into it. 

Turning to your left, you gazed at Kylo. He had a smirk in his face as if he was saying “Hey look, I won!” He barely looked at Alex when he sheepishly admitted his offer. 

“I would love to join you.” 

Huffing silently you leaned on the elevator’s wall and averted his gaze. He was talking to your boss and never once his eyes left you. It was as if you were his life force. Like he would die if he didn't look at you. But all of his staring and little touches did not bring you closer to him. 

-

“I have to take this call, would you excuse me for a minute?” Alex got up from his seat holding the phone to his ear and walked away. 

\- 

You had arrived at the restaurant. It was too fancy than the places you would want to go to. There was a chandelier in the middle of every table and napkins made out of thick fabric. Kylo knew you didn't like these places; he would never take you unless it was an important celebration. He would take you to fast-food places or little Italian restaurants. All the time you would hold hands, gaze into each other's eyes, and feed each other desserts. 

He looked at you like he remembered all the good memories. He opened his mouth to speak, but you shut him up by returning to look at your menu. _Pollo Frangelico, Veal Saltimbocca Alla Romana, Carpaccio di Manzo..._ Even the food’s names were elegant. You tried to find a food that sounded familiar, at least you wouldn't be hungry and more grumpy.

The waitress with his crooked bow approached your table and asked if you wanted to order. Right when you were about to tell him you were waiting for someone, Alex came suddenly and stood next to you. Not liking the way he didn't sit back in his seat, you looked at him with apprehensive eyes. 

“I’m afraid I can't stay any longer. There is an emergency with my daughter.” he started.

“What happened to Emily?” you asked. Maybe you could go with him and leave Kylo alone. 

“She won’t stop crying, and the babysitter doesn't know how to stop her. I'm going to see her." 

“Do you want me to come?” you had to crane your neck at your boss to speak with him. 

“That’s okay. You must be tired.” he gently touched your shoulder as a friendly gesture. Looking at the table, you saw Kylo’s hand in a fist. 

“I really am not, I can come to help.” you steadfastly insisted. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate that, but I'll go and check on her.” he smiled down at you and turned to Kylo. “I’m so sorry Mr. Ren, but please do continue with the dinner without me.” 

“Of course, Mr. Ward.”

“I’ll see you on Monday.” Alex carefully put on his grey coat, before leaving you in the hands of fate. 

 

“Bye,” you said watching him leave the gourmet restaurant. Turning ahead, you didn't appreciate the look on Kylo’s face. Ignoring him, you ordered the food closest to your eye and gave your menu back to the boy. Not once have you looked at Kylo, keeping your eyes on wealthy people or ridiculously clean wine glasses, gently holding your face in your palm. 

He ordered a bottle of wine and an appetizer, he sent the serving boy away. He looked at the places you examined and then turned back at you. The clattering of polished plates, fake laughs, pouring of wines was all he heard. 

“I didn't have a chance to say this, but you look beautiful.” 

Turning around you looked at him uninterested. His eyes blurry, nervous hands clasped together, his voice low and shaky. But you don't want to fall for the sad eyes. You recall the way he looked at you, like you were his enemy. Like you were not the love of his life, rather an adversary that took something away from him. You merely wanted to spurt venom at him, ask him what kind of game he was playing. But you just kept silent and studied him, after a few seconds you went back to watching the aquarium in the middle of the overpriced restaurant. 

“I’m glad we are working together. I get a chance to see you.” 

Complete silence. 

“I know you don't enjoy places like this, we could go somewhere else.” he offered. “I could take you to that taco place that we used to go.”

At this point, you didn't know why you even stayed at the restaurant. You didn't owe him anything; you could have just left after Alex did and not suffer. He was trying to remind you of the good times you spent together. Like he wasn't the one who left you. 

Not even bestowing him a glance you patiently watched the server pour some wine into your glass. Almost chugging the whole thing, you wiped your mouth with the fancy napkin. 

“You are not going to say anything? That’s how we are going to work?” he gave you a look of reproach. 

“What am I supposed to say to you?” finally meeting his sorrowful eyes, you mirrored his expression. “Beg for you to take me back?”

“We have to talk.”

“About what exactly? How you saw me in the meeting and now you remember that you missed me?” you hissed, tightening your jaw. 

“No, I- I missed you the whole time. Since you left me-” he pleaded piteously for you to listen to him.

“I didn't leave you. You left me.” ignoring his pained expression you continued “And nothing can change that, so stop with your useless games.” 

He said your name in vain. You averted your eyes away from him, no you couldn't. You couldn't look at him and forgive him. It was too late and was even stupider for you to sit and discuss this with him. Sitting in silence, you waited for your food, heart burning in your chest. 

\---

“Wait!”

After your food had come, you ate in complete silence. He didn't say a word to you afterwards, but you caught him gazing at you numerous times. You wanted to take a spoon and carve his eyes out when he looked at you like that. Like a wet kitten begging to be let in, but he had no pity for you when you were in that exact position. 

You halted to a stop, your back turned to him. The night wind made its way inside your trench coat, froze you to the ground. You had no energy to discuss or confront him. Hearing cautious footsteps, you turned around and faced your heartache. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Two words consumed your heart like a glass of water thrown into a forest fire. It did not help, but it reminded you of hope. Hope, that all was going to be well, you would be happy again after so long. But it had been four months, how could he say sorry now? Taking a deep breath, you tried keeping steady.

“I’m so sorry for blaming you and saying all those words. I’m sorry for not listening to you and throwing you out of the house. I-I went mad at the idea of you betraying me, I love you more than anything. I should have asked you beforehand. But when I saw your name as the person who sent the email to Hux-, I couldn't keep it together.”

Your lips trembled thinking about the dreadful memory. Shaking your head, you tried to contain your tears waiting to be released. Seeing his blurry eyes, made the first tear roll down your burning cheek. Your promises of not crying, flowing away with the stray tear.

“I was devastated, I had to leave the state and keep things off my mind- nothing helped. I wanted to come run back to you, but my anger got the best of me.” he gulped.“After three months of tracing back the email and we found out it wasn't you. I lost my mind- I was already missing you and I got worse. I couldn't stop drinking. I wasn't focusing on work. I messaged you one night, hoping to see your face, but you blocked me.

“I had to see you, I tried finding where you work or what you do. I found your photos from events, I fell asleep crying over your photos. When I found out where you worked, I immediately proposed a meeting. Every cell in my body wept to see and touch you.” an uncontrollable tear escaped his eye.“When I saw you at the meeting, I wanted to cry, I tried everything to get your attention and touch you. When I touched your hand, I felt like I was alive again. A warmth spread through my body, I felt dizzy.”

Your tears were flowing like a river now. Salty crystal water wetting your cheeks with every word leaving his lips. You let out a sob, your knees giving up on you. He grasped your arms and held you close by your waist. And you let him. All the acrimony and disappointment leaving your body in an instant. 

“I saw your puffy red eyes when you came back. I didn't want you to cry, especially because of me.” he cradled your face and wiped the stray tears.“ I am dying without you, don't you see? I can't take this pain anymore. Please, just me a chance.” 

You held onto him like he was your last resort. The world was drowning, and he was keeping you off the water. You wanted to believe him. Even if he was lying, you wanted to believe him. You felt like you harboured a fatal disease and he was your only cure. Like hugging him would heal all your problems. 

You met his eyes, and he let out a sob at the same time as you. He tightened his grip on you and kissed your forehead. “Please, I love you.” 

“Isn’t it too late? We can't go back...” you stuttered through your sobs. 

“No, no, no...” he furrowed his brows. “It’s not late. Let me take you to our home, okay?”

Nodding through your tears, you let him carry you bridal style to his car. Holding tightly on him, you tried stopping your whimpers. There was more to discuss, more to fight over, but you just let him. You were exhausted from fighting. Before he let you inside the car, you stared pensively into his eyes. The eyes of the stranger gone, now you recognized the eyes of your lover. You fervently kissed his eyelids…

**Author's Note:**

> I really wasn't planning on writing fanfiction, but a lot of spare time and school work forced me... Enjoy!


End file.
